Shadows of the Past
by chocolategumgirl
Summary: Jocelyn confronts Clary about where she was last night, suspecting she was somewhere she shouldn't be. Where really was Clary? AU, ooc, all-human. A little Clace. Rated because of abuse and suicide. One-shot


**A/N** _Hi guys! This is actually my first ever fanfiction. I'm extremely sorry if it's too similar to anyone else's out there. If it is, let me know. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think! I also will take story requests, so just let me know in the comments if you have any!_

Shadows of the Past

"Where were you last night?" Clary looked up at Jocelyn's angry expression. Jocelyn's tone was accusing as she looked at her daughter's bloodshot eyes and messy hair. Clary glanced at her mother before returning her gaze to the floor. "Nowhere," she mumbled softly.

"I'm not an idiot, Clary. I heard the door open and close around 3 a.m. I can practically smell the alcohol. So where would a 17-year-old be going at that hour?"

Clary looked into her mother's knowing glance and sighed. "I said nowhere."

Jocelyn's already steaming expression got even more ferocious. "Tell me right this minute or there will be consequences!"

Clary held her ground, already feeling the familiar prick of tears. She didn't let them fall. "Where I went is none of your business."

 _Crack!_ Clary's head snapped back as her mother slapped her. But she didn't feel the pain anymore.

She then ran out of the kitchen where this whole affair had been taking place. Jocelyn screamed after her, "Get back here young lady! I was not done having this conversation!"

Clary just ignored her mother and fled up to her room, slamming and locking the door. She slid down the closed door to her room and sobbed, placing her head on her hands. She ran to the bathroom, tears blurring her vision. She opened the cabinet and pulled out the familiar jar of pills with shaky hands. She looked at the bottle and stopped. Was she really going to go through with this?

Instead of doing so, Clary grabbed her phone and climbed down the fire escape.

She walked along the side of the street, hood up, head down. She didn't have a destination, but somehow ended up back where she was last night. The cemetery. She trudged through the gate and walked along the tombstones, occasionally stopping to read the inscriptions. The wind was blowing fiercely, showing the coming of a storm. The clouds in the sky were dark, and even though the weather was fierce, everything else was silent, the only sound being Clary's shoes padding against the prickly yellowing grass.

Clary stopped in front of the familiar stone, pulling her hood off her head and letting her wild red hair be free. Her bright green eyes clouded with tears for the second time that day. She read the inscription on the stone as she did everyday: Jace Herondale. 1998-2016.

She dropped to her knees, racked with sobs. She placed her hands on the flowers she had put the night before and spoke his name for the first time since the incident.

"Life has been hard since the accident J-J-Jace. All I think about is how I wish I was in the car with you. Then at least I would still be with you. Everyone keeps saying how it will get better, I will be able to be happy again, but how can that be, when I'm here and you're not? It's been 6 months and the pain still hasn't lessened. All I think about is you. How I long for one last smile, one last kiss with you. Things with my mother have been awful. She still abuses me, just like she always has. Dad isn't around and when he is, he is drunk and doesn't give a crap about me. When he actually pays attention to me, it's to add to the torment. You were my saving grace. The only thing I left to care about. I told everything to you. You comforted me when I was contemplating whether to just end it. End my life. What am I supposed to do now? You told me to be strong and that you would never leave me. How am I supposed to live?"

By the time Clary had finished speaking, she was looking at the name longingly, as if Jace was here to answer her.

She dropped her head to her knees and went back to crying into her hands. Saying his name was too painful. But saying it made her remember a conversation she and Jace had after she told him she contemplated killing herself…

 _"I will always be here for you, Clary. Just as I said I would. Even if I'm not here in flesh, I will forever be with you in here." Jace placed his hand on her heart and whispered, "Please don't kill yourself, Clary. Keep living and be happy. That's all I ever want-for you to be happy." With that he dropped his hand and gave her a gentle kiss._

She imagined what he would say if he could see her now. She closed her eyes and then saw him there, as beautiful as always. He said those words he never had a chance to, _"I love you."_

Clary opened her eyes and placed a hand on her heart, where Jace's had been that time ago. She felt water drop on her hands. For once, it was rain, and not her tears. She smiled and whispered, "I love you too."


End file.
